Tough phase

We've entered a difficult phase in the Infantino household. Taylor has figured out we will not allow her to play in her reflection all day instead of learning. She is most unhappy about this fact. She takes off and tries to sneak. She sees me coming and quickly stops and gives me an "ehh" in a most annoyed tone. That simple "ehh" was how it started a couple days ago and now we are at full fledge tantrums, hitting, etc.

I think the need to "see" herself comes from the fact that she sometimes doesn't "feel" her body. The trick is to find an "acceptable" way for her to feel grounded - an "acceptable" way to meet that need. Easier said than done. For example---instead of her running back and forth and back and forth in front of her reflection for an extended period of time perhaps we could read books in her worm tunnel. The tunnel touches her on all sides therefore grounding her and she learns by reading at the same time. Problem is this will satisfy the need for a few minutes and then ya gotta think of something else. Makes for a very long difficult day. This sensory stuff is a whole new ballgame for me. I'm so tired I sleep all night and during her naps. I dream all this wild stuff too-- my mind is overloaded.

So today I saw a lot of trying to replace that need to see her reflection----rubbing her face all over me, rubbing her hair all over her face, crashing into the couch pillows all day, rubbing her chest against mine, staring at her arms and hands, etc. Once again you gotta keep this kid busy ALL DAY. We are doing better with that since we now know how to use more toys. It's very difficult when you first begin because if a child doesn't know how to play with toys then what the heck are you gonna replace all this behavior with?! It's step by step by step and it's difficult.

Some of you reading this may think that playing in your reflection is a normal thing----well, not all day. It then prohibits learning and becomes the primary focus of the day. Unacceptable.

Occupational therapy offically began this week. Taylor did well for her first visit. She was able to put her hands and feet all through a container filled with beans. She was also able to tolerate pulling objects out of therapy puddy. Therapy puddy is stiffer than playdoh. It's a step toward playdoh. I think Taylor would rather eat liver than play with playdoh at this point. She runs from me if I get the playdoh out. This explains a little why Taylor is such a neat eater. We do not like stuff on our hands or face. Think about your hands being sticky from syrup and multiply that by a thousand--that's how Taylor feels when her hands are messy. We will begin brush therapy next visit. It is done every 2 hours for 2 weeks and then I think the frequency tapers off. You brush their arms, legs, hands, feet and back and then apply pressure to the joints. She explained the whole process better. Think about how great you feel when you've had a massage. That's a good comparison. You feel grounded, relaxed and more in tune with your body. That's what brush therapy should eventually do for Taylor. I can tell you it she won't like it much at first but she'll eventually desensitize to the whole process just like everything else.

Taylor has a lot of sensory issues that affect daily life. She despises vacuum cleaners, hair dryers, loud toilets in public restrooms, hand dryers, etc. They are annoying to the average person but very amplified for her. She is terrifed of them and they hurt her ears BAD. She also does not like the feeling of being in an elevator. She shakes a lot and screams when in elevators.
She also does not like to swing but we are working on that. Our ABA therapist says the therapeutic effects of swinging can last for days. She won't touch the balance beam at the Little Gym. Just think of anything that would make the average person just a little uneasy and multiply that by a thousand and you might be able to imagine how if would affect my little gal.
Once again---some of these things are normal for a kid Taylor's age but it's the DEGREE of how it affects her. These things cause great panic for her.

She is quite the mix---hypersensitive to some things (vacuum) and hyposensitive to others (feeling her body---that need to "crash" into the couch). It's all so complex and difficult to explain. I know her so well. I know pretty much how she'll react even before the situation arises. Her and I ---well, we understand one another much better these days.

Speech comes tomorrow. To leave this entry on a positive note---Taylor is beginning to imitate more of our words. They aren't initiated on her own yet or a request for something but she can make the sounds! She can imitate words in books and everyday conversation. You have to really listen sometimes and figure out what she is saying but she is trying so hard. She is so smart. If we didn't have all this sensory stuff to work through I firmly believe we'd be fine. It just affects everything. The way I understand it is if you don't feel comfortable within yourself you don't learn receptive and expressive language. We'll be fine anyway---we just work a lot harder around here.

There are days I wake up and think "dear Lord another day of this?" and there are days I wake up and think "bring it on." I am noticing more "bring it on" days---a lot more. If I have to die trying we will overcome this. There's no other acceptable path. There just isn't. I won't allow it. We are talking about my daughter here. She doesn't need to be perfect. I just want her to be happy and independent. HAPPY AND INDEPENDENT.

We will achieve both of those things. WE WILL. I promise her that daily.